Kathy has endured more than I ever could, I know that for sure. (I’ve appended a few photos illustrating parts of her journey). She has gazed in helpless, astonished wonder as her brain flooded, has slept a comatose sleep for over a month, has brushed death, endured withdrawals from a long, hard regime of powerfully sedative and paralytic drugs, fought off pneumonia, been scalped and de-skulled, had catheters probe the deep recesses of her brain over ten times, eaten through her nose and sucked breath through a throat-hole, and then, with supreme dignity and grace, submitted to the unceasing ministrations of a health care system she had served faithfully as a caregiver for over twenty years. As she nursed, so now she has been nursed. (I will repeat what I said much earlier: nurses are the unsung heroes of our times.)
When I began this blog Kathy’s life was uncertain, and in the writing of it her life became all but certainly over. At the outset I had a straightforward purpose: to keep those who know and love Kathy informed of her stroke, its effects, her prognosis, and the progress of her treatment. It soon became something more: a way to manage inquiries from more concerned family and friends than I’d imagined out there; also a record, or kind of log, of Kathy’s journey as seen from the near outside; and – especially while Kathy was in a coma and for a time afterwards while she was struggling to awaken – a nightly disciplinary task for me just to stay sane, to unshackle my mind temporarily from fear and despair. And, always, simply a way to spill my guts.
Also, for Kathy’s eyes, I came to want it to be a memory aid should she recover sufficiently to be able to read it, or if not, to listen to it be read, should she even wish to revisit her ordeal. And finally, I came to feel it to be a kind of awkwardly constructed love letter.
But more than anything else this blog has, I believe, come to play a key role in Kathy’s recovery: by being a collector and repository of prayers, positive energy, and love-supported waves of well-wishing from her family and friends. When I saw Kathy “track” for the first time – eye contact that saved her life – I began to feel the potency of prayer.
Thank you for all the love. If I gave thanks a thousand times, it would fall short by thousands more. Love does more than support; it breathes life.
And now, reflecting on the time since Kathy’s stroke, I can say that life’s sudden turn of events has not removed a single important thing from us. On the contrary. What, three months ago, appeared as a frightening, unfathomable specter, now looks more like a genie of promises unfolding. Life looks different. I have learned to be more grateful not only for the hours that remain to us, but also for the hours that we were given these past three months – for the humility they taught, the patience, the ability to rely on the love of friends and strangers both, for a heightened awareness of the fragility of life, and for how those remarkable hours will have changed Kathy and me for good and for better.
The journey that this blog set out to record is now complete. After three months away, Kathy and I have spent the past two weekends at home in Morro Bay, trial runs for resuming life there. As it turns out life will go on for Kathy and me somewhat as before, but with more awareness of the need to cherish time, more compassion for the afflicted, and more gratitude for the love that surrounds us.
And now it’s time to put this blog to rest. So, thank you once again for all you have shared with us over the past three months. I hope very soon to share visions of a bright future for all of us.
Before closing, however, a dear friend of yours has asked to chime in:
Hi there. It’s me, Kathy,
I just finished reading all the cards and the blog and all the responses to the blog. I am amazed to hear of all the love and well wishes sent my way. It’s been quite a trip. I don’t remember a lot of it, but from the look on everyone’s face when they see me, I understand how frightening it was for those who love me.
I want to thank all of you who kept me in their thoughts. Thank you for supporting my dear husband through this journey. Now do you believe me that he’s “The Gold Standard”?
Hope to see all of you soon.
46 Comments on Three months in…
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Thanks so much for sharing your journey….You will be forever in my thoughts…so glad that you are getting to spend some time at “home”…..beautiful Kathy….so thankful that you are ALIVE…God bless you both. You are an inspiration to us all. Hugs, Patti
Hip Hip HOORAYY! So happy to see you home and smiling Kathy!! You’ve survived a road less traveled than most of us can imagine but you are a light too bright to dim! Will be sending you a CARE package with some of your favorite Buffalo goodies soon! Love – Leslie
Hard to say anything other than JOY. So grateful to know this, to have been kept informed all along the way… I’m so happy for you (and all of us who love you).
love,
Danny
I don’t know how many songs of home there are, but many of them are flooding my mind right now and I’m humming. Kathy and Richard you both fought a tough battle on foreign ground and are the bravest soldiers I have ever known. Onward to victory! Love and peace to you. xo
Kathy-oh my god-into the light and back again. my warrior princess. your strength astounds and amazes me. I LOVE YOU. don’t stop working. i am happy to do anything. call me–805-459-8205. i will help out-cook, clean, whatever.walks, anything….i mean it. Richard you are the gold standard. kathy is right. so grateful each had the other to get through this unfathomable ordeal. GO KATHY! YEA RICHARD!
There are no words to express the happiness I have today, knowing that the both of you have returned home. I now look at my trails and tribulations as insignificant in the big picture. Your story is a lesson in love; love of spouses, family, friends, and that of our God. May God continue to bless you and yours.
Sooo awesome! Love u guys! Welcome home Kathy!!
As I mop up my tears I also can’t stop smiling… Kathy I want to see you soon! It’s been too long. I am so happy to hear you are home and I thank you and your definitely the Gold Standard husband for sharing this journey. The photos are nothing short of miraculous, If anyone ever deserved a miracle it’s you and Richard, I have long ago stopped believing that what people get in life is what they deserve, but I am so happy that in this case, though you never deserved to go through it at all, you were the one who defied the odds and is HOME…
Richard, you are so right, Kathy is one tough cookie. Can’t wait to get one of her hugs. Miracle really does seem appropriate, but that may not give Kathy enough credit. Also, as so aptly put, the heroic efforts by the medical team. And yes, my friend, your support. Hmmmm, you know, miracle still comes to mind. Welcome home… soon for good I hope. Thanks for sharing.
Rich, you words and thoughts are amazing. Thank you so much for sharing Kathy’s journey with all of us. Kathy, I’m so thankful that God heard the prayers of all who love youi. YOU are an AMAZING woman! What a journey you’ve had! I’m so thankful that you and Rich will continue to be part of our community and lives. xoxo
Beautiful. Thank you both.
Yay!! SO excited you are home! So thankful too for your love filled journey and I pray for it to continue in marvelous ways as you enjoy your home again together.
What an awesome e-mail to open this morning! What a remarkable story of love, patience, perseverance and triumph. From the outset to now, you two have given your family and friends a road map for life’s journey together: Kathy – loving memories of you kept Richard going through the darkest of hours, and Richard – your ever-presence during those darkest hours gave Kathy the strength to keep fighting! Yours is a marriage to emulate. So looking forward to seeing you Kathy, and would love to do anything I can to help when you return to MB for keeps…. xxxooo
How wonderful to see you at home! That is by far my favorite picture aside from the aquatic therapy! 😉
I hope that you continue to feel the outpouring of love from all of us. Despite the fact that the blog is at its end, our love for you goes on and on!
Im so thrilled and amazed at your recovery and your willfulness! Yes, you are a strong and mighty woman with a husband who is indeed the gold standard! And beside you two are the glittering girls you two have set that standard for, which in turn means you have years and years ahead of you being blessed!
I cannot wait to come up, I will surely not pass by the house without stopping.
All my love to the four of you. Its an early Christmas for sure!
Hi Kathy and Richard- Welcome home and I can’t wait to see you two! Jules
It is so lovely to be shedding tears of joy and gratitude looking at Kathy’s beautiful, smiling face AT HOME! Kathy, you truly are magical and a warrior, and Dick may be more than the gold standard. Platinum? I love you both so much, and cannot wait to see you again and hug you both. Joy! Joy! Joy! The kids are also excited to hug you…soon!
I read in today’s news about the U.S. Capital being shut down, continued problems in Egypt, Iran, Israel, Kenya, Syria, Bangladesh and unfortunately on and on….
Juxtaposed to that is today’s post “Three months in”. I can’t help but wonder if the entire universe could experience a “Kathy/Richard love” maybe there would finally be peace on earth!
“Nothing you can do that can’t be done
Nothing you can do but you can learn to be you in time
Nothing you can see that isn’t shown
It’s easy
All you need is love
Love is all you need
love, love, love, love”
from the Beatles “All You Need is Love”
oops, I spazzed and didn’t mean to be anonymous with my post. I clearly love you Richard and Kathy.
Kathy,
Wonderful! You are home! Words do not express how I feel..joy, relief, hope….I imagine you, Richard and family are so delighted beyond language. Please enjoy each moment of your homecoming and know you are in my heart. Thank you Richard for the amazing blog and all your great qualities. Hope to see you in MB.
Love, Leslie
Wow. Wow. WOW! I fully expected you to come back from this, Kathy, but there were some harrowing moments, and the journey Richard has documented was so hard fought — but, now, fought and conquered. You kicked ass! So so happy to see that photo of you on the deck in MB. Congratulations and big hugs to you both.
What an incredible odyssey – Michele & I so very pleased and grateful for you both. We hopefully will see you soon.
What a wonderful story and with a happy ending! Yeah!
What an amazing journey. We are so glad that you are both home safely. It brings tears to my eyes to see the photo of Kathy standing at home. Our prayers have been answered. ‘Hope to see you both soon. I agree Kathy, Richard is the gold standard.
All our love to you both,
Susan and Richard
The Home shot is my fav, but I swear the Angel one resembles a monk that I saw at Tassajara! ?maybe we should go there sometime to see if she is still there?? Finney says he wants a BOYS night with Richard!!!! LOVE SO MUCH MORE.. because of you two thank you for who you are in this crazy world.
We will miss your chronicles of Kathy, and that is….Fantastic, astoundting, blessed news.!!! Amen Richard and Kathy, love always michele and larry
Thank you for keeping us all up on your journey! You have helped us all see how fragile life is and to cherish every day! Kathy is right, Richard you are amazing! I know she could not have done it without you! Such a team you are. Love to you both.
Hallelujah!! And welcome home to both of you, in so many ways. Thank you, thank you to “All” for Kathy’s recovery and for your dedication, Richard, which I know was such an integral part of it.
Richard certainly is ‘the gold standard.’ You are both so lucky to have each other and you are such wonderful models for the rest of us. I have learned, felt and grown much from your sharing, Richard, of your life and heart through this journey. I hope you will continue to include us all occasionally as you have both become such a part of our lives now.
Many blessings upon you both as you create this next chapter in your lives together,
Chris
Kathy, Warrior Princess and Richard, her Champion, the Lionhearted and The Gold Standard, returning home together to your own castle. It’s been such a remarkable, humbling experience sharing this part of your journey. Here’s to rich, chewy coffee brewed in your own kitchen and hot tea from your own kettle. Bliss. Please don’t be far from us, because you will never be far from our thoughts. I think we are, all of us, forever changed. Love to you – and to all of your extended family who now seem like one bigger family. Wishing you new and sweeter, gentler blessings every day.
Ruth
Such wonderful news, so looking forward to seeing you both and would love to deliver dinner, just let me know when you are settled.
Much love, Monica and Ed
I do believe that we are all witness to a miracle! Welcome back, Kathy. God bless you and Richard each and every day as you continue life’s journey together. And thank you, Richard, for allowing us to be in on this miracle. Love you much,
Your cousin, Irene, and husband Mike
Welcome home Kathy. We are so glad to see you standing in front of your home smiling! Wonderful!
Kathy and Richard at home. I cannot imagine a happier ending (beginning, really) to this love story. Thank you.
Not only is Richard now my emergency contact, I’m sorta, in a weird way, hoping I get sick……
Kathy, it’s so wonderful to see how well you’re doing! You’ll continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Richard’s love for you, strength and optimism is beyond amazing… You have been blessed in so many ways! Keep looking forward and hopefully we’ll see you someday soon visiting WNY!
😉 Annette
Welcome home Kathy! You and Richard are amazing and the love you two share for each other is astounding. I am doing what you have taught me, and that is to enjoy life to the fullest. I have been in Spain with Bob for the past 2 weeks and having been thinking about you throughout our travels. I have always enjoyed hearing about all your adventures with Richard. Hope to see you soon.
Love, Wanda
Dear Richard and kathy,
Thank you so much for sharing this journey with us. Reading this blog has evoked so many thoughts any feelings. Such an unbelievable experience I would say if I did not know you guys. Miracle, yes. I was so filed with joy and gratitude to see these pictures of you Kathy. Welcome back! Yep, in the words of Ram Dass, fierce grace! What a trip. Love love love love. I would love to see you soon.
Oops ..typos sorry
Richard, I’m reminded today (by way of returning to the beginning of the journey), of a comment in your very first post on June 20. “There is reason to believe that she can have a full recovery”. Indeed. Bravo Kathy!!!! xo
Dearest Kathy and Richard….so crazy happy to have you back home, what an amazing journey!
Glad to hear your home. Your husband is certainly one of a kind and both of you are lucky to have one another. I miss you lots
Hi Kathy, it is me, Martha Sparta. Pat Broering told me just today (10/15/2013) of your story of stroke and recovery. You are a strong, amazing woman with a wonderful husband by your side. If there is a good side to your ordeal, it may be to teach us all to appreciate our life today and not wait to enjoy life and those we love. If you need help with your hair as it grows out let me know. Keep up the good work! Love to you and Richard.
I do not know why the letter above says Mom…it is Martha
Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming. Bound by destiny to find each other again and again. How wonderful the story. xo
Hi Richard, thank you so much for creating this lovely blog and chronicling your beautiful wife’s recovery. I am so happy to know she overcame adversity, looked death in the eye and won! I came across your blog because I was searching for past patients of Dr. Zauner’s. My mother currently is at Cottage Hospital under his care as she has had a massive stroke (a level 4 out of 5 as the doctors have told me). I was hoping to find something to give me hope and believe that she will pull through. She currently is on day 6 after her stroke and after 2 surgeries (aneurism clipping and removal of Arteriovenous malformation), she still has severe swelling and may have to undergo decompressive craniotomy. The nurses have used the word “critical” and also have said “your mom is very very sick” many times and we are all just hoping and praying for a miracle. She actually was one day shy of retiring at 67 years old and was looking forward to a life of leisure and relaxing. My mom owned a restaurant for 40 years and worked there every day for half her life, this retirement was well deserved and a long time coming. We were devastated that she never had the chance to experience a life without hard work (one day shy!), but we are determined she will persevere. Reading Kathy’s similar battle has really helped me regain my belief that my mother will pull through, I will think of Kathy if I ever begin to lose hope. Thank you again for sharing her story. God bless your family.
Hi Gigi,
Have heart! And confidence…they, and Dr. Zauner and staff, and the best care possible that your mother will receive at Cottage, makes hope real. Your response comes at a special time…Kathy’s recovery has been extraordinary, and we have been invited to attend, and participate, in a presentation before the Cottage neurosciences nurses group tomorrow at noon. We’ve come to Santa Barbara to be part of that. Would you be interested in meeting with Kathy and me beforehand in the hospital’s main lobby…say at 10:30?
Believe me…I now know what I never believed…miracles do happen. You should meet Kathy.
Hi Richard, thank you so much for your kind words! I would love to meet both you and Kathy, but unfortunately I will be coming down from sf tonight and will not arrive until the late evening. But having you reply to my comment is enough for me as it truly has given me hope. I can definitely see why Kathy would be asked to join the presentation, her recovery is truly remarkable. Please wish her luck on the presentation today. And thank you for encouraging me to keep believing.