Day 87

Kathy is progressing beyond all expectation. Among her latest achievements, she can walk semi-unattended with a walker, “transfer” from bed to walker, walker to car or chair, help others (mostly me) remember stuff, read with true interest, converse normally, become enthusiastic about what’s to come, and try real hard to achieve more.

Her situation at Solutions is perfect-like. For each of five days a week she gets six hours of therapy – a combination of OT, PT, speech, and psych. Weekends are free, and Kathy and I can use them however we choose. Solutions is a residential home in a residential neighborhood. There are currently three other patients, and the house accommodates a maximum of six. Part of the idea is to situate patients in a home setting to help transition neurologically disabled tryers from acute care to the day-to-day challenges of living in their own home settings.

She has been approved for at least one month. I hope we get from that month some semblance of what we’ve gotten sp far. The past three months have been an amazing, stupefying, enlightening journey. It began, against long odds, with the hope that Kathy would cling to enough life to make continued living viable. It has already come to a point that we not only envision our former life recaptured, but now also have plenty of new opportunities and new commitments to vitalize our remaining years – in ways we would not have known were it not for Kathy’s stroke. What was a horrifying ordeal at first can be looked back upon now as a path opening to new possibilities.

For me the journey has included persistent moments of despair and of unbridled joy. For Kathy, the journey has been deeper and fuller, and my hope is that over time, as Kathy gains access to the memory of it, I’ll become privy to much of what she knows of what she’s experienced. We’ll see.

For both of us I know the days and hours have been elongated by having been stuffed so full of hope and anxiety. There have been countless milestones on the seemingly simple path from, say, twitching to palpable touching.  Or from sleep to stirring, stirring to staring, then from staring to seeing, and on to tracking and looking and watching, and then to understanding and on to curiosity about what her eyes were taking in.

Just take curiosity: the good and the bad. For Kathy to wonder was a sign of improving (or increasing) cognition. But, for awhile, eating was a challenge any time there was anything to catch Kathy’s curious eye. Each passing day – with therapy – saw Kathy seeing better (i.e., less distractedly) what needed to be done about swallowing with greater focus, and less preoccupied with “seeing everything.”

Here’s another example of the meaningfulness of small advancements. There’s a nighttime SICU nurse, Dustin, who was on duty a night shortly after Kathy had stirred back to wakefulness, had looked, and heard, and started to feel tactilely on her left side. But we were very worried, for several agonizing days, that nothing was happening on her right side.  As Abby and Paige and I were leaving SICU late that night Dustin called me back to tell me that Kathy’s right toe had responded. What that meant is that, when Dustin applied an extremely painful squeezing pressure to her toe, she had flinched.  We were ecstatic at the news, as it meant that – possibly – Kathy would retrieve feeling, maybe even mobility, on her right side.

For hurting my wife, Dustin gets huge hugs of thanks. Life delivers strange moments.

From that flinch, and a right thumb twitch a day or two later, and a weak but definite squeeze of the hand some time after that, and much later on using her right hand to carry a spoonful of food to her mouth without its shaking so violently that her towel bib took hit after hit. And on and on, through more minute progressions than I am prepared to write, or you to read, Kathy’s right-side capability has progressed to a point where it appears possible we won’t even need a right-side stairway handrail when we return home.

And that’s just one example. Each day has brought many. Every tiny progression is a harbinger of greater possibility. But more than that, each small step is in itself is a quality of life changer. Just to be able to swallow successfully means, at least for us, that Kathy can eat whatever she likes of whatever texture she likes, drink liquids that are not thickened, use normal cutlery, cough productively, and, most importantly, feed herself (although Kathy might say that the most important life change for her would be not having to listen to me say, with each bite or sip, ”Now tuck! Kathy, tuck! Now swallow twice. Kathy, twice!).

Our blessings are endless.

21 Comments on

  4. I am so thrilled that she just keeps on improving…I knew it and I know the blessings will just continue. So many people care for you both and are praying and lighting candles etc. This is truly a miracle and thank you so much for keeping us “in the loop” about what is happening….so inspiring. May God continue to bless you both…Patti

  5. great news. i am so grateful that Kathy has you, Richard–that you have each other. And really glad she gets a month at Solutions. What a great place to be!. Now work, Kathy, work! xoxo

  7. Dear Richard,
    Your Blessings seem endless. Not needing a handrail is fantastic beyond belief. It seems the good news keeps getting better. I am so happy for both of you. They say love conquers all, and it apparently does. Kathy’s progress is in no small amount due to your love for her and her love for you. I cannot say when the exact date was when I stopped thinking of myself as one person, but sometime over the last 35 years, when thinking “I” , I actually mean “We”. I am sure you understand that, having been married to Kathy for a little longer than Karla and I have been. There is that other half of your person that you cannot separate from the image of yourself. Every solo event is a joint venture in some way. There are no “my” possessions, they are “our” things. The phrase “My other half” or “My better half” is not just a metaphor, but an actual tangible percept in your life, one necessary to be “Whole”. Few people in this world can understand this, but I’m sure that you do. Keep up the good work you two.
    Allen K. McGann

  8. Each entry you write leaves me in tears. Praise our good Lord that he hears all the prayers and hopes of all who love you both and continues to answer them. Onward and upward! xoxox Debbie

  9. I would expect no less from Kathy. Or from you Richard. You do what needs to be done, to achieve a successful destination in this journey. Continued prayers, it’s what I know I can do, and feel it has played an integral role in your journey.

  10. Good Morning Santa Barbara/Goleta Peeps!! Every new post brings me more tears of joy into the river of hope!! Can’t wait to see you again and cook you a delicious dinner !!! Love, Stacy!

  13. Oh she will be so happy not to have you as her swallow coach! And we are blessed immeasurably by the 4 of you. And the girls – so, the 6 of you. What a team! xo

  14. God be praised!!! I do so love you both. I remember the wonder you were, Richard, when Laura was so in need of help. Maybe that’s why your God has sent Kathy these blessings.
    Coach Torgerson

  15. Always so happy for the good news, WOW! You two are an amazing team! Sending you both all my love, Christine

  16. Thank you so much for sharing Richard. You and Kathy are both such incredible examples of hope and inspiration! You are truly amazing! Looking forward to seeing you both back in SLO county.
    Love, Dana

  18. Kathy and Richard I think of you often. It sounds like a lot of WORK to get well! I know Kathy can do it and it’s just beyond wonderful that this miracle has happened that has given you both the opportunity to do the work. Here’s to coming home. Won’t it feel like the best homecoming ever?

  19. Kathy and Richard,
    I am so happy about how well things are going. I appreciate how much work it is each day. You are in my heart and prayers as Kathy continues to progress.
    Warmest regards,
    Leslie

  20. Dick/Kathy, Sent almost two weeks ago, I just ran into this latest much-anticipated update. I can only say, Wow! Congrats on such stellar progress. Sounds like Kathy is an excellent student & hard worker! It exhausts me just imagining the grueling routine. And thanx, Dick, for providing such excellent coverage & deep insightful commentary on this complex frightful journey youse guys have been on. Remarkable depth of feeling in the emotional as well as technical matters (& yes, also, spiritual ). Both of you keep up the good work. So glad to hear the positive prognosis for a solid recovery. Maybe we can make it for that Punch Bros dude’s show (?) next year.

    On Mon, Sep 16, 2013 at 9:53 PM, Kathy Oehler

  21. We got the news from a voicemail from Kathy yesterday. We were as stunned as everyone surely was and took a couple of hours to reflect before I called back.

    As I talked to Kathy, I got to live this amazing story in reverse. Her voice sounded fully as before and her amazing spirit radiated unchanged despite the details she was sharing. It was as if everything had changed yet everything was the same.

    This was even more true as I read this wonderfully written love story documenting the intense, but vividly explored feelings, Richard shared given the many unpredictable turns: the slow rising back up from the ashes of what was a seeming life ending event to the triumph of life in all its transformational ways.

    Certainly at the center of all these mysteries are two wonderful people we love and can all continue to learn from but there is so much more and that is perhaps why we all fight to live a good and kind life each day.

    We hope to visit soon and we celebrate the community that supported each other through the toughest times this summer all the way to the return of the look.

    Rod and Putri

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