Day 82
Today has a bittersweet taste: we’re moving on from the Cottage Health System. Cottage Hospital literally gave us new life, delivering Kathy (to use a religious and L&D term) back from the brink. And then Cottage Rehab began the reconstruction…our month-long engagement with its workhorse therapeutic regime has brought us closer to our home – our true home, of our hearts and minds and bodies – in a way that I could barely imagine just weeks ago. As I think I said in a previous post, the past three months have transformed Kathy and me in ways I can’t yet begin to comprehend, and much of that has to do with our almost total immersion in Cottage life.
But today we move on. Solutions, a Goleta-based transition home for neurologically recovering patients, has accepted Kathy as a patient/guest. Kathy will be there for at least two weeks, hopefully more. I say hopefully because the past month has absolutely persuaded me that the effectiveness of professional therapy, of which I had heard much but not experienced firsthand, is fact. The more of it Kathy can get the surer our path becomes, which I know to be a good thing even though (or maybe because) we don’t know the destination.
Wherever we go, whatever awaits us, nothing now can slow us down. People say don’t give up hope. I agree. More than I have ever had occasion to, I agree with that. And yet, something else has happened to me. The experience of having come to the frightening precipice of giving up, and then being delivered the gift of recovered life, must be something like a religious awakening. And maybe that’s what I’ll be going forward, an awakened person. I know I’ll never be religious in some of the accepted ways that the word is understood, as a system of fixed beliefs. Sometimes I wish I could be, seeing the comforts it brings to others. But I feel that the life Kathy and I have made works in ways just as beautiful and as firmly-founded, and I know it will support us well through the coming months, years, hopefully decades. And I know this: no one will count their blessings more religiously (to use the word in a slightly different way) than me.
It’s been, as they say, a journey of discovery. Not so much a journey of self-discovery, although there’s been enough of that too, maybe more than enough. It’s really been a discovery of much else that life serves up, and in ways that in the past I haven’t experienced in more than a casually meaningful way – sadness, dread, elation, desolation – powerful emotions that we all experience in passing. But now some things are different. Now, for example, I shrink at the sound of a helicopter on approach to the hospital, knowing it carries incoming wounded, as Kathy was in her ride here. And there’s even good in the shiver up my spine when I hear that choppering noise.
Here’s something else new that I like: Kathy’s latest unfolding beauty is fun to watch. She has taken to her new style of life in a very expressive way. Her aura has attracted the eyes of just about everyone she passed in the halls at rehab, not because she’s in a wheelchair or using a walker (who isn’t at rehab?) or because she shows the fresh scars of the slab of her cranium recently replaced (other rehabbers show wounds that tell stories too). She just emanates Kathy with an even more stimulating calm, if that were possible.
Her shaved skull has started to grow hair, and I’ve been trying to convince her (so far with little effect) to grow it only to a kind of very short pixie-like cut. She has a perfectly formed head, which shows her face to angelic advantage.
Anyone who’s on my side, please support my campaign to keep her hair cropped. When Kathy feels strong enough to mount a misguided effort to cover her natural cranial loveliness with a lot of hair, as I predict she will, I’ll need your help.
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Go Richard! You make me smile, and good luck with all of your good intentions. BUT….we know Kathy will ultimately do whatever she wishes..Makes me smile even more 🙂 Thank you once again for soul baring updates.
I can’t wait to see the twin Kathys and the twin Richards again! Bravo to each of you. You are champions and give us strength and much happiness. Love and peace from me and Manny. xo
Dear Richard,
You know I like to support you any time I can, but when it comes to Kathy’s hair, sorry Bro, I’m on Kathy’s side. As cute as a “pixie cut” may be, a head of flowing locks is beautiful in an adult way. Silly Richard, Pixies are for kids(and by kids I mean the under 30 set). However, if she cannot brush and wash her own hair then I would side with you until such time as she is able to do it for herself.
Allen K. McGann
Well, on to the next stage and things will just keep improving, I am sure. I appreciate your updates and think of you both often and send positive and loving thoughts your way. God bless you both, Patti
sorry Richard, I hated my pixie cut as a child.. and chose to have long hair probably for that reason. Let the girl have her say, silly boy! 🙂 love stacy
What an amazing journey you two are going through! I second the motion, “Do not give up”. Thank you for your beautifully written, soul barring messages. We continue to pray for you both. I continue to send Reiki healing energy to you both. Of course, Kathy will do whatever she wants with her hair. love, Richard and Susan
Congratulations to you both on your graduation!! Best wishes as you enter this new chapter, learning more, and continuing your amazing (? miraculous) recovery together. Thanks to your inspirational, moving writing Richard, those of us who have been given a glimpse into your lives during the past three months have a new appreciation for, and a true, eye-opening definition of, that word: “together”…..
Dear Richard,
I want to share with you something that I experienced following my battle with breast cancer (I still don’t use the word survivor because I don’t want to advertise that aspect of my life). During the year I had treatment, I hated the pink ribbons and did everything I could, including buying 2 wigs to attempt to look normal. They turned out to be hot and uncomfortable, but I wore them a few times.
My point is this, Kathy may not want to advertise her recent battle. She also probably just wants to try in some way to return to the person she was before, which included a much simpler life that wasn’t such a struggle (as recovery must be for her, even if she doesn’t complain).
Last, but not least, a woman’s hair is often a personal reflection of beauty. Whatever she sees in the mirror that she perceives as beautiful may just be a longer hair style. Since that is the one she has chosen for so many years, I think that is true of Kathy. So whatever the reason she wants longer hair, please give in to her choice, even though your reasons for wanting the pixie are admirable.
P.S. I was wondering how you and Kathy would feel about a visit from a group of us. We haven’t wanted to intrude or interrupt therapy or the rests Kathy needs between sessions, but I thought that if a group of us came together, it might be easier for both of you. If that might work, let me know when would be the best time and I will organize a visit, I (we) miss her!
Love,
Laurel wilsfam@aol.com
So relieved to hear that hairstyle is at the forefront of your thoughts Richard. Give Kathy a hug for me. Awareness and faith.
So happy to hear of Kathy’s amazing progress!! I cannot believe how far she has come in such a short time. I hear from reports of those that have visited her that the feisty Kathy is back! Wow, what a gift for all of us to have her back. Thinking of you both and celebrating…
Richard and Kathy,
This has surely been one of the most life-changing journeys you two have taken together. Thank you for including us. Your love, your eloquence, your optimism, your honesty, and the journey itself has inspired and humbled us. We have learned so much from your examples of how to live and love with grace and openness.
We love you both and look forward to seeing you both soon.
Chuck and Kate
Hair, schmair. Doesn’t matter. I agree with you Richard, on the professional therapy aspect, even though I look forward to seeing you both home as soon as possible. Keep that progress moving as much and as far as possible. xo Mike
dear richarc:
god how i miss feisty Kathy! i will happily show her my uber short hair and we can discuss what statements she can make with short hair. she has indeed a beautiful angelic face and lovely eyes which are framed by that hair. great strides Kathy. Keep working hard, sweet angel. Love you both!
How about you get a pixie cut first? 🙂 Really, it is wonderful these are the decisions to be made now. 🙂
Solutions is the same home my step father was in. He had the room with a patio door if I remember clearly (and it’s the same house). He “tried to escape” a couple times. So many funny (after the fact) stories that I recall when I think back to those times. I drove there weekly from Morro Bay to see him…the drive seemed to go by in a blink of an eye after the second drive. I would arrive and Larry would tell me all the stories of the other house mates and their similarities and differences in their experiences. I’m sure Kathy (and you, Richard) are probably the ray of sunshine they all need to see! Keep up the excellent progress! But remember to relax and unwind for a few minutes! Many thanks to the good Lord for all the wonderful news! And many thanks to you for keeping us all updated on such a regular basis. You really show yourself to be selfless! An amazing man to have caring for Kathy; that’s a blessing to all of us!!
Dick, what you write is beautiful and we hold good thoughts for you and Kathy during your time at Solutions. I think Kathy’s hair would be beautiful any way she wants to wear it; and, after all this, maybe she should choose..
Richard and Kathy, I have been following all your postings as Pat sent me the first note. Richard, you have a talent …I can not stop reading …in the beginning it was hard to read through the tears and now I have a smile on my face when I read of your latest adventures.
I got the news from Pat after returning from 4 days in Morro Bay. Amy and I drove by our house and when I got home I mentioned to David that your house looked different…all grown over but the flowers on your bedroom balcony were beautiful…now I understand why!
You two are always in my thoughts.
Tonja and David