Day 63

This two month adventure began late one night moments after watching two episodes of Mad Men on our TV. It has taken Kathy and me down the stairs of our home in a frenzied, foggy rush of EMT activity, into San Luis Obispo’s Sierra Vista ER room for a wrenching hour of hopeful hopelessness, then for  a  2:00 AM helicopter ride (for Kathy) and a panicked foggy drive (for me) to Santa Barbara (the last thing I heard at Sierra Vista was one nurse telling another that the copter might not be able to operate because of the fog), then long tear-filled weeks (for me) and comatose hell (for Kathy) in SICU 18, with operations more suited for science fiction than real life, followed by druggy awakenings in the Ridley Tree step-down unit, then the three block ride to Cottage Rehab where Kathy now resides along with her fellow patients – our current group of new, beautiful, damaged, courageous friends.

Over that course of surreal time more of life’s implausible milestones have happened for me than in all the accumulated years of my life. They have made me a changed person. I can’t describe how, and won’t try.

But I would like to mention two milestones that will stay with me forever, and bring tears to my eyes every time.

One happened when the medical team first began trying to awaken Kathy from her drug-induced coma. There was no telling when, whether, and how far into wakefulness she might be able to reach. At that time she had only shown an ability to “track” (that is, “look” in a purposeful way) and to slightly move the fingers of her left hand. We didn’t know if she would ever progress beyond that. Late at night, as I whispered my love to her, and my pleadings, and my encouragement, and I’ll never know what all else, and while staring into her eyes wondering whether she could truly see me or hear me, a tear appeared in her eye as she looked at me.  And then she slowly, and shakily, and with tremendous effort, raised her left hand to caress my cheek. That is the most momentous event of my life thus far.

And then tonight, another milestone.  As the night nurse left the room for other duties I turned off the room light, closed the door, helped Kathy scoot to the other side of her bed, raised it to a sitting position, sidled up beside her, turned on her iPad, and resumed watching Mad Men just where we’d left off.

23 Comments on

  1. Makes me so happy just thinking of the two of you together. Can’t be any other way…..
    Sending much love –

  2. In reading these posts, I have come to two conclusions. First, I sincerely believe Richard should be a professional writer, and second (and most importantly), you two have a love for all time.

  3. you make me cry, Richard. And your writing so eloquent. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with all of us. I know that Kathy has come so far so fast because of who she is and because of what you have together and how you have been there for her completely throughout this entire ordeal. much love to you both. Travel down the rehab road quickly. we are all waiting to help as soon as you will let us. just give a word and a sign up sheet and we are all there, i am sure. xoxo j

  4. Richard and Kathy,
    Words cannot express how we felt reading your last update. Such wonderful progress!! We think of you often and send all our love.

    Frank and Rønnaug

  5. If Nicholas Sparks ever sees this blog, he will turn it into his next book. Truly a love story for the ages. We love you both!!!!!

  6. Your love and devotion belies words. We are so glad the good Lord is listening and answering prayers. We love you both.

  7. There is something so romantic about being able to pick up right where you left off. There is nothing so moving as a truly romantic moment. It burns itself into the memory banks so deeply that you cannot help but cry thinking about it years later.
    There is an old saying that says there is an exception to every rule. Well that got me thinking of the saying :”Memory is like a train, it gets smaller as it pulls away”. I believe that romantic memories are the exception to that rule(okay, it is not really a rule but an observational simile, but you get the point).
    In the years to come, each time” Mad Men” is said , weather in context to the TV show or not, you will no doubt feel a private mixture of both sadness and warm, romantic joy, that no one but you can fully appreciate.

  8. Thanks again for sharing your heart and your love for our Kathy. Kathy is an amazing woman and I know that our Savior and Lord will continue to give you strength and her an extra measure of strength and endurance for the journey that still lies ahead. I know you can do this Kathy! Much love to you both and continued prayers! God is listening to us all it’s obvious by how far you’ve already come! Keep it up you can do this! Love, Arlene Robertson-Martinez

  9. We are so happy for you both! Your story brings tears to my eyes too. Love to you both.

  11. Again the tears flow – your poignant, heartfelt words reach us all, your love story joyful, palpable and one for the ages. We discuss your blogs at work, and marvel at your strength and courage, and while we know first hand of Kathy’s strength, convictions and passion for life and all that’s right, it is clear you are guiding her recovery with the same qualities. I printed the photo you posted of Kathy standing with the walker and put it on our board in the break room. Please tell Kathy we love it, we can feel the warmth of her smile every time we see it – so very wonderful. And, I agree with Joanne, there are scores of us waiting to assist in any way we can – as soon you give the word. Blessings for you Richard, and very much love for Kathy..

  12. I never thought I would like Mad Men so much as I do now.

    You are a beautiful person, Richard. Of course, I knew that before…but you have given us all a special gift, a front-row seat seeing love express itself while watching a soul deepen and grow. My own heart is bigger because of it.

  13. I agree with the rest, this should be a book…you are amazing Richard. Thank you so much for letting us in on your private, tender moments. God bless you both continuously as you travel this bumpy road. Patti

  15. Richard and Kathy, you two are on your way home! even the word miracle does not capture the magnitude of this, your journey. And your zen like commands for us all, to tuck and swallow, one amazing step at a time. In awe and gratitude, michele

  18. GOOD MORNING Santa Barbara peeps!!! I am pleased to hear that you are cuddling in the same bed!!!! Human contact is very good for brain stimulation and rewiring.. any baby knows that!! Thank you again for the update and the insights. I think we have all been changed by your journey. Speak of travel… I am hoping to see you both on Sunday morning….. we will be in touch by phone…. Love Stacy (and Finney too!)

  20. Kathy is certainly lucky to have Richard and for weeks Richard has been expressing how fortunate he is to have Kathy.

    Folks,
    I was in Calif. for another reason so I inserted myself in the situation and went to the physical therapy place Kathy is at now. Kathy IS DOING GREAT! While I was there, her therapist took her outside in a wheel chair, Kathy and I talked, she lifted one leg over another to cross them in the wheelchair. She smiled. She scolded me forkneeling on thefloorafter I said I had a bad meniscus. Kathy is doing great and with Richard’s help I am sure she will be doing even better really soon.

    something happened to my computer and I cannot just insert a letter without loosing the next letter????

  21. Ah Richard, such beautiful love in these posts, such heroic effort and perseverance by both you and Kathy… just wow… So blessed by your example of true devotion. So prayerful that God would comfort, heal and bless and just open your eyes to the amazing love He has for you both, all of your lives and for all eternity, as He is love… so that your heart would swell with joy and love unspeakable and in that, you’d have everything you need to walk through this. And sooooo grateful for the words about her progress. What good news!

  22. Dear Kathy, I have been praying for you every day since day one. I am so glad you are improving daily! Richard, all I can say is you are amazing! I will continue to pray daily. I Love You Kathy & miss seeing your smiling face. Sandy

  23. Feeling safe enough to close a hospital room door. Transporting yourselves “home” by sharing seats on the bed, heads touching over an iPad screen, watching your favorite show. Right where you left off. This is love. Unfailing love. And we can all feel it from wherever “here” is. Tear-drenched Joy!

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