Day 5.

As ever, Kathy is the epitome of composure. She is now stillness personified, with her life, and every part of her in the balance. The medical staff weighs this against that, that against another this, constantly measuring and monitoring and adjusting.

As they’ve explained it to me there are three main concerns, each of which requires different treatments that often play against one another. First are vaso spasms, where vessels in the brain get “angry,” because of the hemorrhaged blood, and start misbehaving, which can cause loss of blood flow (i.e., oxygen). They monitor daily for signs of her brain trending toward spasms, using a TCD (Transcranial Doppler) to anticipate an event of this kind. They can treat it pharmaceutically to an extent, but often have to go in again, using angiography as they did to seal off the aneurism, to insert some special juice (sorry nurses) directly into the offending vessel. Yesterday’s TCD was good, today’s yet to come. Also, they’re concerned about intracranial pressure, which basically I guess means swelling of the brain, and they’ll have to carefully watch and treat that before they can start to wake her up. And, they’re concerned about pneumonia, and therefore heart failure, because of her having aspirated as she vomited when the aneurism ruptured, and because it’s very tricky to withdraw fluids from her lungs (obviously she can’t do that herself). Her brain wants fluids, her lungs don’t; what’s good for one is bad for the other. Everything is balance; the heavy sedation is there in part so Kathy’s body doesn’t try to make corrections that the equipment and staff can make more elaborately while she’s completely still.

I have often thought Kathy is exceptionally beautiful while she sleeps. Without moving a hairbreadth she emanates life. Her room is still, like nighttime in our bedroom, except for periodic monitor bleeps and hummings, the sound of a nurse’s soft footsteps, and the distant murmurings from the nurses’ station 40 feet away. But the reassuring sound of her steady breathing is just like 3 am in Morro Bay. They need her to have complete mind rest, no stimulation. I brought books to read to her, vials of aromatic oils to place near her, smooth and semi-smooth surfaces to rub along her forearm – none of it allowed. Sometimes they let me hold her right hand (the one with free fingers), and when the monitors say it’s okay I can whisper my love, my special name for her, news she’ll want to hear, and the love of friends and family who’ve sent prayers and heartfelt support her way.

There are tubes entering and exiting her head and body through natural and medical-made orifices, and hoses, bruises, crazy penciling like tattoos with no apparent meaning, gel smears, taping and bandaging everywhere there’s an available place on her body.

Still, incredibly, the angelic radiance I fell in love with 37 years ago shines through, brighter than ever.

Kathy, please come back.

16 Comments on Day 5.As ever, Kathy is the epitome of

  4. Kate is safe in her peaceful and temporary world. When she returns – as all the journeys of her life – she will have stories to tell. And we will smile and love her well.

  5. I had been visualizing Kathy as “Sleeping Beauty” before reading this. That she is. And you are everyone’s prince, Richard. Love to you both, to Paige, to Abby.
    Joey

  6. Dearest Richard.
    Thank you so much for keeping us updated. We all at work (and outside of work) who know and love Kathy, have been thinking about her every moment. Every thought and every prayer is sent to Kathy, you, Abby and Paige with all our love and healing energy. Whatever else we can do, all you have to do is say the word. We are with you.
    with love from Sherri and Sam

  7. Dear Richard, you may not remember me but I have worked at the hospital with Kathy from the beginning and although I no longer work in labor, I still see her when she comes down to Mother/Baby to get her cup of coffee and sometimes during her breaks. She has always been a wonderful friend and her quiet beauty and calm, soft voice and demeanor helps us all. Her sense of humor is wonderful too and I love her giggle! You and she are in my thoughts and prayers. Your love for her and that of all of us will bring her back to us!

  8. I was so anxious to get the email from Stacy that you were creating this awesome way of keeping everyone updated. I have always considered Kathy my dear friend, and terrorized to hear of this extreme and unexpected turn of events in your lives. I have prayed and will continue to pray for her and the family that loves her so much. Every year on my birthday she would tease me that I am older than she. And two months later I tease her back, that she has caught up..I pray for this to continue for many years to come.

  9. Yes she is an angel in so many ways… not only in her beauty but her calm composure, kindness and she does that have that feisty twinkle in her eye side to her too! Can’t wait to have you back Kathy! We miss you, Christine

  10. Sending love and good vibes your way from NY. Our heart and thoughts are with you both.

  11. So far I have been unable to read this blog, Richard, without crying. You are a beautiful writer and I so appreciate you taking the time to keep us updated. I’ve worked side by side with Kathy for several years and truly can’t imagine her calm , and oh-so-content-with-life self being in any pain. I’ve always looked to your and Kathy’s relationship as something to strive for. I am so completely sorry this is happening to her, to you, to the girls. We are all thinking about her constantly, sending the most healing thoughts we can. We miss you so much Kathy!

  12. KathyandRichard is the way I’ve always said it and always will. You two have taught me so much about life and love. You still are.

  13. Richard,
    You have not been in my life a long time, but you and Kathy both have had a profound influence on me. I cannot express how truly saddened I am by this news, but I am glad that so far, she is staying strong and holding on. You are an amazing person for being there for her and for allowing all of us who care for you into this horrible situation with your words. I thank you for sharing this hard time with those who love and care for you. Please give Kathy and extra hand squeeze from me, and a big hug to you as well for being a beacon of hope in her world right now. I know she can hear all of your wonderful words of encouragement, and I know there are so many people who are out there sending their thoughts to you. ~ Kelly

  14. Richard we only meet once at a Christmas party 2 years ago at Gail’s but I still remember what a perfect match you and Kathy are ! Thank you for writing this blog for all of us to keep up to date.

  15. Richard, your profound ability to share whats in your heart and the beautiful details of the tragic circumstances brings tears to my eyes. Its been so long since I have seen you two but I feel like it was yesterday that you welcomed me in and supported my wings as I prepared to fly. Its a tremendous weight on my heart for all of you. I pray that God will allow Kathy to return to you as she was before the aneurisms began. You are most definitely her soul mate, the other half of her beauty and grace. Keep the positive surrounding her (and yourself). Love and miss you two.

  16. Thank u for the update and precious words…I read the updates to the fellow night shift nurses and we are all either crying or have goose bumps. We all appreciate the time and effort that you are putting into this blog. Thank u so much 🙂 thinking of your family

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